I can’t bring myself to believe,
In a particular God.
It shakes me to my very core,
To know that I won’t.
How I wish I had the faith,
To abide by fanatic dogma.
How I wish I had the strength,
To discover my truth.
Always forever searching,
For the name of my deity.
Equipped only with spiritual ideology
and perhaps an affirmation to theosophy.
Slowly, slowly and slower yet,
I’m losing all I believe in.
Slowly, slowly and slower yet,
A loss of faith, even in myself.
My soul keeps trying to call home
and crueler yet, my God answers the phone.
But never reveals where and whom is speaking.
My master, my sweet lord keeps sending me signs.
Postcards from their domain to remind me of their existence.
But I suppose that they forgot to say where they are.
Because I’m out of stamps and I don’t have an address.
Surely they see the pain, my struggle is clear.
Desperate for help, I crave spiritual guidance.
To be or not to be, I question should I be here?
The thought of death, such sweet sleep, mind no longer amok,
To walk with you. I beesech thy name! Help me clear things up!
Week by week, I can feel my strength waning.
Month by month my mind is losing its framing.
You see my lord, I found a purpose to stay alive.
But how can I? When I’m failing the one I strive.
Please catch me my Lord.
Catch me my God.
Let me fall to your arms.
Immerse me in your being.
I’m slipping down in my pit,
Towards sulphurous fires I fall.
I’m scared I shall scream.
I’m scared I shall burn.
I know I’m not your favourite.
And I know I have sinned.
I’m aware my soul is tainted,
But myself I’m trying to redeem.
So please catch me my Lord,
Let me fall to your arms.
Grant me to surrender you my soul,
Bless me the faith to stay alive.
Image by Austin Thesing.
