Water Pistol

by Kate Maxwell

What you need is a water pistol: not pumped
with oxygen and hydrogen, but one-part bullshit
blocker, two-parts patience, holstered and ready
to squirt at rabid red-faced howlers who splutter
their cognitive dissonance in your face, at hardware
stores, on media mogul ‘news’, or the politician’s
pulpit. All filling up our screens and minds with
blah blah blah until all that’s left is that bloody
brutal second amendment from that other stupid
country, so, you may as well bear arms for ears
and use that squirty silencer to shut the nutters up.

Of course, it may short circuit your device, enrage
your red-capped neighbour who seems confused
about which country they want to make great again
but the psychological relief of hosing down that
constant mouth crap releases like a deep cleanse
for the colon. Just ensure you shoot sharp and clean
into their always open mouths, for aiming straight
into the eye can make the blind see red and then
you’d stand accused of communism or sympathies
to Canadian authors who paint all women red
in dark dystopian tales, now no longer fiction.

Add some silver to the cocktail and it should work
on lobbyists and spinners too. A well-aimed shot
will leach out artificial toxins that trickle down
white collars in lying, brown stains. And while the
suits in charge applaud themselves for not shooting
shouting women on the parliament lawn, you may as
well weapon up. I’m not saying it can stop the babble
or re-attach loose parts, into what we once called
reason, but what you need is a water pistol. Go fill it
with your own concoction. Mine’s two-parts alcohol
one-part hope but shoot up whatever works for you.