By Sarah Giles
Melanie rolled over and looked at her sleeping conquest. The evening had gotten away from her, one drink took her from tipsy to horny and then she met Marc with a wet kiss on the dance floor. A quick fuck was all she needed to quell the beast inside her. Oh Jesus, was she becoming one of those tacky girls? Those slutty club girls who add another notch to their belt with each outing.
The thought of it forced her out of the bed and into the shower. She scrubbed her skin raw, trying to make herself new again. Trying to undo the damage to her soiled skin.
Female sexuality is still a taboo topic, even in 2016. While male sexuality is considered a normal part of life, women are still expected to hold up archaic patriarchal values of modesty that men are not. Throughout this essay I will discuss the societal habit of oppressing and shaming women for various ‘crimes’ against social norms, the damage this treatment causes women in their view of themselves and others, and also the value of writing women’s stories (Cixous 1976) as Kate Holden has done with her memoir ‘In My Skin’.
Women are taught from a young age that there is a double standard between boys and girls when it comes to sex (Tolman 2012). Young girls are conditioned, in a way trained, to believe that their sexuality and sexual experience is passive and there mostly to act as ‘gatekeepers’ of boys/males, as society has deemed, irrepressible urges (Bay-Cheng and Lewis 2006, Tolman 2012). Female sexuality is almost exclusively discussed in relation to negative consequences (Bay-Cheng and Lewis 2006) for example, unwanted pregnancy, STI’s and sexual assault, all of which works to perpetuate a fear in women about sex. Discussing women’s sexuality in this context also defines it as one thing, and completely ignores the vast complexities and unique nature of female sexuality. This kind of discourse acts as a form of control over women and their sexuality in a way that would be lost if it were to be discussed in a positive light. Not only does this kind of talk perpetuate fear, but it also helps to maintain the idea of ‘purity’ and this in turn develops an attitude and belief that women who engage in sex are less pure or, as is the colloquial term, sluts.
Laina Bay-Cheng and Amanda Lewis discuss the views both young and mature women have of other females who are portrayed in a sexualised way. Words like ‘prostitute’ and ‘hooker’ were raised as a way to negatively describe a scantily clad woman. Kate Holden’s book ‘In My Skin’ is dominated by her time working as a prostitute in the late ‘90s early ‘00s. Throughout her story she asserts that she felt empowerment and pride in sex work; she had taken control, made choices and found, ultimately, a freedom in liberating her sexuality from the control of societal law. Holden tells us, “Sex, fierce, free and unabashed, could be good. Sex, in this world, was my power” (p. 172.). What I find interesting and relevant about this quote is the use of the phrase ‘in this world’, as in ‘in this world of sex work’. Holden tells of an unbalanced freedom, a difference in enjoyment from the liberation she found in prostitution as compared to the sex she had in the ‘real world’. She writes that sex was her power at the brothel, but once she left those walls was she downgraded to the lack of power most women have?
The reaction women had to the images of sexualized females were predominantly negative which feeds into the idea of the ‘good woman’ (Tolman 2012). Tolman speaks of a learned trait girls have in which they speak in terms of social norms of femininity in order to be a ‘good’ woman. Often these terms do not express what women really think or feel, but still they elect to supress their natural or ‘authentic’ (Tolman 2012) response in order maintain relationships and also to fit themselves into the ‘good’ woman criteria. As Tolman comments “What women knew and felt was distinct from what mainstream society had deemed moral” (Tolman 2012, p. 748).
An important milestone acknowledging female sexuality came in 1972 when Burt Reynolds posed nude for the first male centrefold in mainstream women’s magazine (Le Masurier 2011). The rise in popularity of the male centrefold is a clear indication that there is such a thing as female sexual desire. It’s out there, and women’s magazines have been dedicated to working against sexual double standards by giving women access to sexual knowledge in mainstream media. Often women’s magazines publish pieces on female sexuality including stories about masturbation, which work to encourage women to enjoy sex and sexual pleasure.
Burt Reynolds centrefold joined a world already full of female sexualisation. Even today, 44 years later, the sexualisation of women and girls dominates that of men despite the rise in male centrefolds and films like ‘Magic Mike’, which raises a question: Are women capable of reclaiming their sexuality in a world where they have been hyper-sexualised already? (Tolman 2012). It seems impossible to claim something that has been forced onto you, many would say that a woman is simply doing so to please men rather than to please herself which is something raised, again, in the reactions women had to the racy images of women I mentioned previously (Bay-Cheng and Lewis 2006). Kate Holden is a perfect example of a woman reclaiming her sexuality. Holden worked in a job that many would say is degrading and sexist; she was a prostitute. But she wasn’t just a body for sex, to be used and thrown away. No, she played an active role. Holden writes that she wanted to be good at her job, she had pride in her work and often she enjoyed her experience. ‘…Control to be the best working girl I could be’ (p. 173). The difference, I think, in being sexualised and claiming your sexuality is consent. When a woman embraces sex and sexuality, allowing herself to be a sexual being and, perhaps if she chooses, to wear revealing clothing is very different from being whistled and howled at by men on the street when you’re trying to go about your day. Some of the women/girls responded to the sexualised image negatively, but others did support the woman’s choice, “I don’t see what’s wrong. If they want to wear it, they can wear it” (Bay-Cheng and Lewis 2006).
There is a way in which to bring female sexuality into the light, into the norm of societies laws and into an equal placement with the male counterpart: telling the story of the female experience. Here I want to quote Hélène Cixous in her introduction to her essay ‘The Laugh of the Medusa’, “Woman must write herself: must write about women and bring women to writing, from which they have been driven away as violently as from their bodies…”(Cixous 1972). Published the same year as Burt Reynolds centrefold, I think Cixous’ perspective came at a time when women were desperate for a way to express themselves, as asserted by Bay-Cheng and Lewis (2006) women and girls do have sexual desires and interest but no way in which to express them. Cixous is offering that outlet.
When I consider the research I feel a need for a louder female voice, a voice of many telling their stories, their experiences, their urges and desires, their interests, bringing to light a side of sexuality that is often ignored and belittled. Holden (2005) has taken part in this. Her memoir is a loud and important addition to the female experience, which cannot be told with a single voice of generalisation. Women need to speak up, speak over the patriarchal constructions that are telling them how to behave (Bay-Cheng and Lewis 2006) in order to make their opinions known. This is what feminism is for (Tenzer 2009).
Throughout Holden’s story is a back and forth between herself as she works through her feelings and perceptions of her new life. There are times when she is unsure if her actions would be acceptable by feminist standards, “I wondered what the students of my feminist university classes would have thought,’ pp. 91. Times when she questioned her value, “…whether anyone would want me after this. How could I go back to innocence?” (p. 96), and times when she highlighted the unfairness of societal expectations, “It was hard to come by [self esteem], when you were considered societies lowest,” (p. 100). Each of these quotes highlights various issues regarding the oppression of female sexuality and the negative affect it has on how women view themselves and others.
Women are so often reminded that their sexual actions define their value, but they will demonise other women for finding power in it. Coming back to the female quest of becoming a ‘good woman’ (Tolman 2012), these ideas not only act as a way to identify what women can and can’t do but it adds to the way women view each other. If another female isn’t acting to gain her ‘good woman’ status she is judged, belittled. She becomes less-than. If another woman engages is sexual acts for her own pleasure, the same thing occurs. This idea that women who enjoy sex and dressing provocatively have no respect for themselves is based on the lie that female sexuality is sacred in a way that male sexuality isn’t.
Surely it is time for us to move away from this narrative that comes from centuries controlled by patriarchy? A woman isn’t less pure or somehow ‘soiled’ by her sexual desires and activities, and a woman who chooses not to partake is no more worthy of societies respect. There is no such thing as ‘purity’. Women don’t lose something when they have sex. That idea is based on a lie society created and it is damaging the way female’s view sex. One way women can fight against this injustice is to live their authentic lives (Tolman 2012) and to tell women’s stories (Cixous 1972).
Image by Averie Woodard.
References
- Cixous, H 1976, ‘The Laugh of the Medusa’, Signs, 1, no. 4, pp. 875-893
- Tolman, D. L., 2012, ‘Female adolescents, sexual empowerment and desire: A missing discourse of gender inequity’, Sex Roles, 66(11-12), pp. 746-757, viewed 21st May 2016, <doi:http://dx.doi.org.ezproxy.lib.swin.edu.au/10.1007/s11199-012-0122-x>
- Bay-Cheng L. Y., Lewis A. E., 2006, ‘Our “Ideal Girl” Prescriptions of Female Adolescent Sexuality in a Feminist Mentorship Program’, Affilia: Journal of Women and Social Work, 21, no. 1, pp. 71-83, viewed 21st May 2016, <http://aff.sagepub.com.ezproxy.lib.swin.edu.au/content/21/1/71>
- Holden, K 2005, In My Skin, Text Publishing, Melbourne.
- Le Masurier, M 2011, ‘Reading the flesh. Popular feminism, the second wave and Cleo’s male centrefold’, Feminist Media Studies, 11, no. 2, pp. 215-230, viewed 21st May 2016, <http://web.a.ebscohost.com.ezproxy.lib.swin.edu.au/ehost/detail/detail?sid=7ef5faea-c686-495d-aede-287da868064a%40sessionmgr4001&vid=0&hid=4107&bdata=JnNpdGU9ZWhvc3QtbGl2ZSZzY29wZT1zaXRl#AN=60911360&db=ufh>
- Tenzer, L 2009, ‘Feminism’, Social Texts, vol. 27, no. 3, pp. 123-127, viewed 21st May 2016, <http://web.a.ebscohost.com.ezproxy.lib.swin.edu.au/ehost/detail/detail?sid=d0f0255a-b076-4c4b-ab8c-3ac67ec6dc1d%40sessionmgr4005&vid=0&hid=4107&bdata=JnNpdGU9ZWhvc3QtbGl2ZSZzY29wZT1zaXRl#AN=44451642&db=hlh>